Curdle that Milk in Denmark

I had barely made it inside the apartment door and the phone was ringing. Dropping my mail on the chair I checked caller ID. It’s my mom, of course. She has been reading news on that damn Internet, I realized.

“Hi, Mom.”
“What are you doing home so early? It’s not even five.”
“I put in almost nine hours, Mom. Besides, I work for the government. Five-week vacations, long lunch hours, you know.”
“You should be working more. Get on that fast track. Take on more than you can handle easily.”
“Mom, what in the hell are you talking about?” I said this, knowing full well where this conversation was leading. I also had been reading the news over lunch.
“Haven’t you seen the news about stress? Stress is good for you. Stress prevents breast cancer, for god’s sake! Did you call your Ex today about the payments?”
“Mom, I love talking to you. But I need to unwind before I start dinner.”
“Tension is good. Stress is good. You do not ‘need’ to unwind. You need to get a second job. Maybe that way you could meet someone nice and get married again.”
“I have to say goodbye now, Mom. Thanks for the healthy dose of stress.” I hung up gently and headed for the wine rack.

I was going to write something about curdled breast milk and cancer and stress, but kept my wits about me. Of course, none of the above is true—but can’t you just see this? What on earth is the media thinking when they report this stuff so out of context!!! We need more qualified medical journalists.