I get to reading blogs on an early Saturday and come across some stories about spouses and their disagreements that make me wonder how the people can still be together. But, having said that, there are days when I wonder how my hubby and I are going to work out this 24/7 retirement thing.
Right now he travels about 30% of the time. So, even though we go to work together, there are times when I have that precious, marvelous, restorative alone time that I so need.
When he is home we do most things together except for work time. We are not a glued-at-the-hip couple, but we do enjoy each others company and like similar activities and adventures. The hurdle that I see coming in the time ahead is my hubby's addiction to water activities and fishing. I mean, if he could, he would take out his canoe or boat every single day until he died to make sure he has found every fishing hole, every school of fish, every bird feeding group, etc. He even jokes that if he gets too old and has to be taken care of by others, that he wants me to put him in the canoe with his best fishing pole (like I would know out of the dozen he has!) and just push the canoe offshore into the ocean. I tell him that even though I love him, I am NOT going to jail for him.
Well, the problem is that he does not have a real fishing buddy other than I. His friends and colleagues are all busy with their lives. And even though we have the rare dinner together, they are not giving up their free time for fishing. And I can take fishing or leave it...usually leave it. We 'fight' over our weekend time. I like to run errands, work on crafts, take pictures, houseplan, watch chick flicks, blog, garden. He likes to fish. And on the days that have crappy weather he likes to fish even more. So I hope when we move into the new area there are fishing addicts and boating addicts to feed his needs.
I realized a few years ago and re-realize it every year that some (many?) women frequently give up our fun times to babysit while hubby golfs (my daughter), to go on long outdoor fishing vacations with husband (my sister) or to go boating on rare free times (me) to keep those we love happy. Then as we get older and the children fire us and maybe hubby slows down, we realize that we have put that whole creative self-pleasuring side of ourselves on a shelf somewhere. See that picture of that high school girl or college graduate? Who were we anyway? When was the last time we focused for so long on something we loved that we forgot the time? We need to be more like men.
Of course, you know you that I'm a man, but I still agree with you. We need time for ourselves. Even if it means fifteen minutes to an hour of solitude, just to do what we want to do. Nice introspection!
ReplyDeleteDevotion to Accuracy Dept: We all need time for ourselves. What a difference one word can make!
ReplyDeleteI haven't been married as long, but I've already forgotten about that 'old me'. Not that the 'new me' is all that bad, but after a while I tend to lose sight of my own interests.
ReplyDeleteThe irony is that my husband is out doing his own thing, as usual on a Saturday night. I can't even remember the last time I did that without the cell phone ringing off the hook, with him wondering where I am and when I'll be home.
When I did have the ability to carve out some time to myself, it was always at strange times of the day - 5 a.m., 1 a.m. Better than nothing, I suppose. :)
Somehow or other, Danny, I don't think you will have this problem when you have to share you free time!
ReplyDeleteInteresting thoughts. I refused to give up "myself" and my career aspirations when I was living with a man. He decided this meant I did not love him, and told me so. I guess I should have realized this statement meant that he was declaring war on my career aspirations, because he eventually threw me out of the house that we shared rent for, after a fight when he demanded that I choose; my career or him (choosing him meant I was supposed to quit school and "get a real job"). I made my choice, and spent nearly a week sleeping in my campus office while I waited for my paycheck so I could afford to rent a room near campus.
ReplyDeleteOf course, nearly four year later, I am sure he'd be overjoyed to learn of my current (failed) career, but that's neither here nor there, I suppose. My point is, I was surprised to learn that "our" friends (who are now his friends, not mine) agreed with him that this event was all my fault. So I wonder, are successful relationships only successful if the woman essentially sacrifices herself to make it work?
GrrlScientist
All relationships require sacrifices and compromises, but it is a matter of balance. I think women do end up the greater compromiser because we value relationships more.
ReplyDeleteI have a similar situation here in that Ed is an avid fisherman and though I enjoy it, it's simply not a passion of mine. My passion is writing. For this reason, I can't see the two of us getting into too much trouble once we're both retired. He can go off fishing all he wants as long as I have a functional keyboard - or as a last resort, a pen and paper.
ReplyDeleteSmart post though ... never lose sight of yourself. I keep trying hard to instill this in my daughter. I think younger people have more of a hard time with that than we "well seasoned" folks.